On Leaving

“leaving is not enough; you must
stay gone. train your heart
like a dog. change the locks
even on the house he’s never
visited. you lucky, lucky girl.
you have an apartment
just your size. a bathtub
full of tea. a heart the size
of Arizona, but not nearly
so arid. don’t wish away
your cracked past, your
crooked toes, your problems
are papier mache puppets
you made or bought because the vendor
at the market was so compelling you just
had to have them. you had to have him.
and you did. and now you pull down
the bridge between your houses.
you make him call before
he visits. you take a lover
for granted, you take
a lover who looks at you
like maybe you are magic. make
the first bottle you consume
in this place a relic. place it
on whatever altar you fashion
with a knife and five cranberries.
don’t lose too much weight.
stupid girls are always trying
to disappear as revenge. and you
are not stupid. you loved a man
with more hands than a parade
of beggars, and here you stand. heart
like a four-poster bed. heart like a canvas.
heart leaking something so strong,
they can smell it in the street.”

Marty McConnell - Frida Kahlo to Marty McConnell

What do I do?

I divide my time between filmmaking, learning and teaching martial arts, writing and motorcycle riding so I don’t like to box myself in one category. I’m a guy who does many things, trying to get the max out of my short time on this planet.

The camera, the motorcycle and my own body are just tools that my brain uses to express itself. I love telling stories and living inside them. I don’t create anything, I experience things. Again and again. The observation or the experience becomes a story and the retelling of it by me becomes a way of living it again. I try to live deeply but, needless to say, I’m lost in my head a lot of the time.

Over the years I have chased truth in all its forms and looked for ways to capture beauty and grace and love and how we as humans experience such things. Whether it’s in a lover’s eyes or the feeling of finishing a great book, there is truth and beauty all around us. It’s so fleeting though, and the great artists have always redefined ways to capture it forever. Until I find my own way, my quest shall continue, and once I find it, I shall do it over and over again until I can’t anymore.

Well, there you go, that’s what I do then, I guess...

Lightness

"It’s dark because you are trying too hard. Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly. Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply. Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them. I was so preposterously serious in those days… Lightly, lightly – it’s the best advice ever given me…So throw away your baggage and go forward. There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet, trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair. That’s why you must walk so lightly. Lightly my darling…"
Aldous Huxley - Island