Saturday, September 14, 2013

Things To Say Besides I Love You By Carrie Laski

from http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/things-to-say-besides-i-love-you/

Sometimes those three words aren’t right. You think you feel what most people feel when they say those words, but those words aren’t the right ones. There’s got to be an alternative somewhere in the English language, but you haven’t found it yet. In the meantime, sit across from someone at a Puerto Rican restaurant and listen as he talks about politics or his childhood or something completely unrelated. Listen more to the tones of his voice than the words he says and be aware of your own words bubbling up in your throat like the beer in your glass. When you just can’t stop yourself anymore, tuck your hair behind your ears, take a deep breath and say:

“These plantains are really well-cooked.”


He will agree that they are.

But perhaps you’re not at a restaurant. What then? Perhaps you’re on the sidewalk, and it’s cold, and he doesn’t have gloves so he puts his hand in your pocket. You’re walking quickly because the wind is whipping through the nighttime streets, and all you can think of is his bare hand tightening around your gloved one. If only you weren’t wearing gloves, then it would better because touching is better than most things. Being with this person is better than most things. You come to a stop because the light has changed, and he looks at you all goofy from above the collar of his coat that he has buttoned as far as it can go and squeezes your hand. Look him straight in the eyes and say:

“You should really get yourself some gloves, you know.”


And he will agree that he should.

Maybe by now you’ve found your way to a sort-of-friend’s house party. How do you go about this now? You’ve said hello to all the people you know, you’ve had three-to-five glasses of wine, and you’ve been listening to some kid wearing an ugly sweater play his lousy guitar for half an hour. COOL he covers Lana Del Rey THAT’S AWESOME. How much is the appropriate amount of time to stay? You’re sure you’ve exceeded it by now. You must have. The boy you’re with has just come back from the kitchen and sits next to you on the window sill. He’s not touching you, just sitting there holding a can of Hamm’s and looking like he doesn’t want to be there either. He turns to you but doesn’t say anything, so you say:

“I can’t stand these people.”


And he will agree they’re the worst.

The dark helps, it always does, but if it’s morning, and the sun has got your freaked, you’ve still got options. You might be sitting with him at the kitchen table drinking coffee from mismatched mugs and saying nothing because sometimes saying nothing is the best thing to say. He’s miles away, and you’re thinking you should take a shower or fix your hair or at least brush your teeth because you feel dirty and self-conscious. You wish the sun weren’t so bright on your face and you wish there was something other than corn flakes for breakfast so your stomach won’t start making hideous noises. You’re about to open your mouth and say something to break the silence, but he speaks first. He tilts his head slightly and says:

“You make me really happy.”


And you will agree he does, too.

Here We Are

"Here we are, afraid of losing what we have all the time, holding on to it so tight that not a soul can touch it. We think by hiding it from the world, it’s hidden and it’s ours. Nothing is. Nothing ever will be. For, nothing ever was.

If you think there is anything that you have, that’s yours, be it money, a house, a job, or a girlfriend… it’s nothing but an illusion. It’ll all disappear… in one blow. One blow, my man.
Here we are, so insecure that we are afraid of re-starting our lives, so we just carry on trying to sort out the current mess. The thought that we should give it all up and just start all over – with nothing – might cross our minds some time, sure, but we get scared and we push away anything that scares us.
There is nothing I can ever achieve or gain that I cannot lose, in a matter of seconds. You have never gained enough to not be able to lose it all, in just a few minutes. What you think is yours, was never yours and will never be yours. Whatever you make here, you leave here. You came naked and you’re going to go back naked.

So what are you afraid of?

Let all be lost. Let them take away everything. As long as you have your heart beating strong, as long as you have your nostrils working fine, as long as the blood flows in your veins, you will live, you will breathe and you can get it all back… again and again. For, if you can do it once, you can damn well do it again. It’s just a game we play – Life."

Saturday, September 7, 2013

"I do not collect," I said uncomfortably, the wind beating at my garments. "Neither the living nor the dead. I gave it up a long time ago. Death is the only successful collector."

 -
Loren Eiseley (1907–1977), The Star Thrower