Thanks for making emo look cool.....

HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY!!!
Thank you soooo much for this wonderful life that you have given me, ma. I'm really loving it and I can do the things I really want to do.
I am happy and very satisfied the way things have gone so far. No regrets. Thanks for bearing with me all those 'growing up' years and helping me out when times were tough. Thanks for indulging my tantrums and giving me everything I ever asked for. Because of you I can never get disheartened by the difficulties and challenges that life throws at me. If I take a wrong step, if I falter and lose my way for a bit, I know that you are always there for me.

As a mother, you make me believe that there is still goodness and innocence in this world, and the pure selflessness that you exude is something that I could never do. Nonetheless, because of you, I can still tell stories about good, selfless people and believe in those stories myself knowing that even if they don't exist elsewhere, those values exist in you. Believing in the values of one's stories is very important to an honest storyteller and that's where you inspire me, ma. I can be confident that no matter how much evil and cruelty propagate in this world, the sanctuary given by a mere hug with the slightest whisper of assurance from you can take all that misery away. Warmth. There is still hope. Everything will be fine. Good triumphs over evil. I start believing again.

As a human being, you have taught me how to love. Anyone. The love you have for me is the purest form of love anyone can, and ought to, have for anyone. I can only aspire to love someone so unconditionally as you love me.

You are my little piece of heaven, ma. Thanks for being my best buddy, my best pain relief and my best cheerleader eva!!! I know the only way I can pay you back is by living a good life myself and I will leave no stone unturned in making your creation a success!


Love you, miss you
Bettu.

Mere ghum gar aapko miltey...

My Love, had you faced the sorrows that have befallen me,
you would have lost your senses long ago.
It is my stubborn heart that has held its own for so long;
you would have lost these tears long ago.

Fellini on Fellini

Just saw Fellini's 8 1/2.....I confess I know absolutely nothing about filmmaking.

Disheartening thought, one might say...but now I know where I stand and everything is so much clearer now. I'm actually rejoicing in the loss of my ignorance!

THE GEEK SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH!!!

http://blogs.suntimes.com/ebert/2009/07/i_am_a_brainiac.html

Mr. Ebert puts so lucidly and eloquently what I have been trying to say for so long...love you Mr. Ebert. No homo.

More on it later, busy making some movies right now!

The Oneironaut Part ll

I came up with my own way to cope with bad days when I was a kid. I call it idealist daydreaming. Whenever I get too fed-up or feel confused about the world around me I go into my own dream world, which is just the way I want it. It is a place where childhood friends still live next door, where the first kiss I ever had still lingers. A place devoid of war, hatred and deceit. A place which feels as warm and snug as my mother's hugs felt when I was five. When I used to run to her when it hurt inside-out. A moment of sanctuary, peace and solace. When I wake up from this vivid dream, I find it much easier to accept the sometimes harsh realities of life. Call it escapism if you will, but I am not really running away, its just a temporary refuge, a place of comfort, to rest a while along the way.

That is how I write most of my stories too. The films I make will always be inspired from personal experience but will also contain certain elements of imagination, because after all, dreams are experiences too. Most of my stories have a happy ending(the jock-gets-dumped-and-the-geek-gets-the-girl ending), or at least a sense of hope. The world that 'could be' or 'ought to be'.

What is reality anyways, if not a sum of our ideas, beliefs and experiences? You are what you choose to believe. How does a child cope with sexual abuse? Pretend that it never happened, and then start believing it never happened. The Olympic athlete wins the race he has already won so many times in his mind. He remembers the familiar smell of the air, the faint noises of the cheering crowd and the bare curve of the track. He has been here before, countless days and nights.

This is how we start believing in the reality of our own creation. I used to have a bad reputation as a bluffer in high-school, and many people still consider me to be a lying bastartd, although thats a different story hehe. That first crush never kissed me on that first date....but then, she did....so many times, over and over again. Her taste still lingers on my lips, as if it was only yesterday.....

Yin-Yang and the Hegelian Dialectic.....

I used to be a staunch Objectivist(the Ayn Rand type) for some time. That phase happens when you read The Romantic Manifesto at nineteen years of age. Rationality, Idealism, Empiricism, Logic. You make fun of your parents because they are religious. You have endless arguments with yor granny over the (non)existence of God. As you grow older, though, you realize that although some of the principles of Objectivism are truisms but the whole thing offers a quite limited view of life.

Then I read Henry Flynt's work. Anti-art, Nihilism, Existentialism, Solipsism. He is on the other end of the spectrum from Ayn Rand. I saw a short film by Louis Bunuel and Salvador Dali titled 'The Andalusian Dog'. The film makes sense because it intentionally makes no sense. You try to make sense of it, try to connect the shots and make a story where there is none, and therein lies the concept of the film: everyone WANTS to find a story in it and everyone comes up with a unique interpretation. Its a classic!

I read Ray Carney's papers on film criticism, who says that plot is the enemy of a movie. He is on the other end of the spectrum from Roger Ebert and Robert Mckee.
So can there be a balance between these two sides? Can you believe in both? Can you appreciate both James Cameron and John Cassavettes, and everything in between?

I think so. The trick is to merge the Thesis with the Antithesis and create a Synthesis. To hold two opposing ideas in your brain and still retain the ability to function.

The world is beautiful. It has a dark side that adds to its beauty. Evil is necessary for us to appreciate the good. The balance between Yin and Yang. Although religion is outdated, a society needs a philosophy(a system of moral values) to exist without chaos. It is common sense that murder and theft is bad behavior. One doesn't need a childish story about there being a big grumpy guy up in the sky watching over you who will judge you after you die. Both Heaven and Hell are here on earth. You will get what you deserve in this life itself, call it karma or causality or whatever.

I'm still learning, and the gaps will be filled along the way.

The Prophet's Parting Words...

"...farewell to you and the youth I have spent with you. It was but yesterday we met in a dream. You have sung to me in my aloneness, and I of your longings have built a tower in the sky. But now our sleep has fled and our dream is over, and its no longer dawn. The noontide is upon us and our half waking has turned to fuller day and we must part.If in the twilight of memory we should meet once more, we shall speak again together and you shall sing to me a deeper song.

And if our hands should meet in another dream, we shall build another tower in the sky.

And though death may hide me, and the greater silence enfold me, yet again will I seek your understanding.

And not in vain will I seek."